Working Through It Pt.1

No longer in search of what can not be mine finding and making better use of my time. Time to see that love is not for me but striving and thriving to keep from the pain. It breaks and burns and twists and concaves and then in days it begins to subside but I did not survive I cope. I hope that it will been seen as strength when it is not but the inability to deal as I reel in circles spiraling through life wishing it were not my life or any other. So solidarity uncaring so smothered with hate in the heart that I was not apart or was I the cause of the emotional pause the thoughtless acts of desperation and despair. You don’t care how or when but lay low like the lion to exact your revenge. Fair enough there is no more fight I will leave it alone leave you alone leave and be alone again I work well that way and find new ways to channel the energy that should be intrinsically me. Who am I to give you the power this hour to hurt and give pain. You don’t know my name my fate my place in this world and I find myself the only girl/woman who knows the heart that hurts and hates and makes pain but can say that name with the “L” hell what do you want from me to see what you feel. I KNOW ITS REAL I feel it everyday and way and say maybe this is the day to make up the mistakes and take the time to understand why it had to end that way. No one was there and knew the details but I can tell you this it won’t happen again to me that is for sure my heart is clear and thoughts are pure and full of void and lack of understanding of the reasons. I don’t want to know why anymore just close the door and move to a place a space of newness and freedom and a life that can be mine without the ripping and tearing sounds that no one hears but me thundering in my head but can never be read in my voice and action anymore once this is written and posted the mask will return and life will go on and on and on and on and on that note I ran out of words, but it did not completely heal I still feel the hurt. It will subside or I hope.