Somatic

The pain is ripping from my chest to my stomach. I burn in agony as if an inferno is eating me alive from the inside out. Why you might ask? Because I have been cut out. I asked in class today did I miss him or me more, it's hard to say. The physical distance is hard but the emotional is unbearable. I am trying to break through a wall that is unsurmountable. Like Ace of Base I see the signs and my eyes are opened with a heart that again finds itself broken. Maybe my path is that of loneliness and solitude. I don't know what to do anymore but feel my body hurt from the stored up feelings, that you are not sharing. I want to vomit, but I don't think it will make it any better. I hunger for your love and touch and yet it is not there. I can not even tell you to read this or keep you abreast of the rest of my life. Wife is the word that comes to my head, but that is not what you want again the signs I have read. You have time you have space. I am done I can't run this race. You are 10 steps in front and you keep gaining speed. You win. I quit. I can't even breathe. The tears cloud my view as I write this to you and I hope one day that you will read this too.

Sewing to Frida

FRIDA KAHLO
“The broken column (self-portrait)”


I just watched the movie Frida and realized the telic connection I have with a dead woman. I get her life and her choices. I understand her heroes or sheroes journey and I realize that I am like her. I only hope her fear did not come true in me, which was to return to Earth. Lemme give this a try.

The blatant sexuality sewn into a potentially barren womb that gives birth to the not so living in a jar from broken bones that do not set and cause the constant pain of a reminder of the casket that is the body of the spirit of a dove free to fly from mexico to new york to europe in a space of a short amount of time when the care free innocence was stolen by a steal rod gushing the blood of an unforgiving uterus made political by the men who never loved fully but wanted to see the inner workings of the painter who drew blood from pyramids past and present bringing future generations to understand that politics has no place for love but only friendship that tears the very insides of an artist who paints the pain into a canvassed oblivion allowing room for the imperfect perfection of the woman to burst forth from the confines of a wheeled chair in the hopes of running to the accepts that would only come with impending death and praying the final release is of joy will burn the casketed frame and vowing never to return to this life again.

I dedicate this to the late Frida Kahlo. I get you girl.

And You Didn't Expect

(Let's See What We Have Here By Gilbert Young)

And You Didn't Expect

(Copywright Amara Michaelle 2009)

You Didn’t Expect

You snatched us and chained us
Sold us and enslaved us
Raped us and hanged us
Miseducated, segregated
And genuinely hated us
And you didn’t expect
When we won our freedom
You made sure to beat us
When we marched you hosed us
When we protested you attempted
To break us and you didn’t expect
You didn’t expect
When we asked for respect and to
Free Geronimo and Huey
When we lost Martin and Malcolm
Emmett and Medgar
Through the sheer hate and bloodshed
Only you know how to exact
You didn’t expect
When it took nine to be educated
Only to find out that we really need was
Just equal schooling, equal housing, equal votes, equal rights
You gerrymandered us to death and made sure we didn’t get represent Tation
But don't let us avoid our taxation
You didn’t expect
When we competed on a world stage and won
You were happy when after you shot the gun
But when we stood with fists held high
The pride WE felt inside for our people
You snatch those ribbons, those medals
And then placed us in ghettos
With famine, pestilence, and all out ignorance
You didn’t expect
You didn’t expect us to stand up for ourselves
You didn’t expect that the anger that was brewing,
Simmering, boiling to the surface would erupt
Like Vesuvius on Pompeii
You didn’t expect the day that Watts and South Central
Would pave the way
You didn't expect that we would find the secret like
Oprah Winfrey
You didn't expect Tiger, You didn't expect sisters Williams,
You didn't expect, Cornell and Gates
You didn't expect Jordan (Claudia and Michael)
You didn't expect Jay Z & Be,
You didn't expect Will & Jada
You didn't expect Howard, Clark, Morehouse, Spellman, North Carolina A&T and
You certainly didn't expect Obama (Barack & Michelle)
What you don’t know is that this is not the end
Oh no there is more to come so stay tuned because
Clearly you just don’t know what to expect.
By Amara Michaelle

MYNX Sistaspy Vol. V

VOL. V

You can tell that JYNX is going to become and easy distraction for you and you don't have time for something like that so you have to build a wall. No matter what you have to make sure that he does not like to be around you or even talk to you. Your safety and the safety of your future missions depend on it. After turning and looking in his eyes for a second you realize that this is going to be a lot harder than you thought.

"So I see your new here." JYNX is trying to make small talk, but you can't engage with him.

"Look, I don't have time for this nonsense. It would be best if you don't say anything to me as I am one that can anger easily."

"Sorry, I am just trying to pass the time. I have work to do as well you know?"

"I know. So, why don't you think about that and leave me alone."

"Fine, you are not the first shespy to be evil, nor will you be the last."

Why did it hurt your feelings so much for him to say that to you? You can't let him get in your head. You are here to do a job and you must complete your task.

"Whatever. Just shut up."

(Meanwhile)

Back at command LYNX and MYNX are watching the interaction between you and JYNX.

"She is a tough one, but he can handle it."

"MYNX do you think we are doing the right thing trying to hook those two up?"

"Yes, we know that the combination of those two genetically will create the ultimate super spy. Oh and our brother needs a girl."

"True, but it seems kind of like we are pimping them to each other."

"Not really we will use 072479 for real missions, but her first mission is to fall in love with and marry our brother."

"She doesn't seem very fond of him. She is actually rather rude. I don't know about this."

"That is just a front. She is the ultimate warrior so she is trying to be prepared for all things. I can tell though that she really likes him. Did you see her breath catch after she really looked at him once he was secure in the handcuffs?"

"You are stretching, but I will trust you for the time being. We better get over there before our brother loses his hands. Those cuffs are on pretty tight."

"Good point. Trust me on this, they are the perfect pair."

2 b cont'd

MYNX Sistaspy Vol. IV

PART IV
As you being to wander around your luxurious home your realize that you have a feeling that you are not alone. You feel as though someone is watching you, so you go into stealth mode. As you quickly and agilely work your way around corners, you see flashes of a person running in front of you.
"So much for rest and relaxation," you think, "it is but kickin time now."
Just as you round the corner in what you assume is the living room you see a man.
"Freeze or I will beat you back to the womb."
The man turns around completely startled, before he can explain his presence in your residence you launch into him like a fat man at a rib eating contest. After a few minutes of the man screaming like a little girl in pigtails and begging you for mercy you finally put him in a full nelson and ask him to explain himself.
In a choked voice he replies, "My name is JYNX. I am here to service your high tech panther."
"Bullshit! There are no men on this island."
"Actually, there is one, me. Now if you could kindly stop choking me so I can explain that would be good."
Lucky for you, you keep handcuffs in your back pocket at all times, something you learned in Navy Seal training. You quickly cuff the man and slam him into a chair. Even at 6'2" JYNX was scrawny. You feel kind of bad for beating up such a puny guy, but you can never be too careful that is what SGT.Smith used to tell the entire unit.
"MYNX! LYNX! Assistance NOW!"
Immediately LYNX comes online. "Yes, sistaspy 072479? Is there a problem."
"Your damn right there is a problem. There is a man in my house claiming to be the panther maintainence man."
"Oh, hey bro. I think Mymy forgot to tell 072479 about you."
"THANKS MYMY!!!"
MYNX pipes in, "Sorry big bro. 072479, this is our brother JYNX, Jamal Yahya Nassar Xavier, he is the head operations manager for the entire island. I forgot to tell you that he will periodically be in your bungalow checking your computers and your panther protector."
"Well, I am still not comfortable letting him go. I mean this could be a test and if I let him go, I might render myself vulnerable."
"Good Job 072479, you are correct that was the beginning of your testing. I will come back to your bungalow and then you may let JYNX go so that he can finish his rounds. MYNX out."
"LYNX out."
"Well, JYNX, if that is your real name, I guess it is just you and me."
"I guess so, but I really hope my sister hurries up since my fingers are losing feeling from the handcuffs. Since I have worked here a long time I am not going to even try to ask you loosen them up."
"You got that right," you reply indignantly. You didn't survive Navy Seal training and the War in Iraq to get got by some puny computer nerd.
JYNX was an attractive man however, the color of a Hershey bar with smooth skin and a nice smile. He wasn't as puny as you previously thought, he was well toned for his stature. You quickly snap out of it because you are here for a job not to act like Giget goes Shespy.
2 B Cont'd

MYNX Sistaspy Vol. III

You will see that our island looks like any other island, but do not be fooled by the appearance, we keep it this way so that we can stay under radar.
None of he vegitation here is real, so do not eat anything actually most of it has a small amount of seditive that will render anyone who consumes it unconscious. This is done to insure the secrecy of the island. If you remember you "slept" on the jet ride here, well, we drugged you so that you don't even know our coordinates, that way if you get caught during a mission you can not give away our location. Harsh, but hey sistas gotta do what sistas gotta do.
There are no living animals on this island, they are all high tech surveillance equipment, they can harm you as they are designed to protect the island at all costs, do not approach them or you will be in the infirmary for some time. My sister LYNX learned the hard way on that one. She can't hear a bird chirp without jumping. Her bad, she was warned. The panthers, cougars and leopards patrol the grounds at night. Do not roam around as they are in attack to kill mode. Should you be summoned at night, a black panther will be sent to escort you to your rendevous point, always stay behind the panther and do not look it directly in the eyes. I learned that the hardway, its a good think I had just finished M.A.C.K. training and LYNX was watching on a camera or I would have been dead.. The panther will be set to protect you at all costs, there will be a signal sent to the other animals to allow you passage, but should you veer from the panther guide they will attack.
I know this is a lot to take in, but you will get the hang of it. Here is your bungalow. It is meant to look like the foliage, so memorize where it is. You have neighbors, but you will never meet them and don't try. You will be introduced to the sistaspies you need to know, when the time comes.
(You enter the bungalow)
As you can see you have a 3 story, 4 bedroom bungalow. The extra rooms are for any shespies that visit and have a mission with you. Don't worry they never remember where we live once they have completed a mission. There is a full service spa on the first floor, there you are to pamper yourself for at least 3 hours ever day. You must maintain your physique, your appearance and your stress level. Should you neglect to do this, your panther guide will be sure to remind you. Oh yes, and they can talk when necessary, but they only relay messages to you and can not engage in conversation. You will spend the rest of your day in training and in the evening you may do any recreational activity in your home as you choose. You must at all times be ready to perform your Shespy duties day or night. For the next 2 days you may get acclimated to your home and work on a schedule. I will be back to check on you in 24 hours, until then enjoy as we are at the peak of our season.
2 B cont'd...

MYNX Sistaspy Vol. II

N.A.S was created and developed in 1980 by two women, Lena Palamino and Dottie Deloncre. These women realized that there was a great gap in the number of women superspies, because of this they felt that a female spy could infultrate an organization easier, really for a few reasons; 1 no one would suspect them and 2 since most evil organizations are run by men, shespies have a natural sex appeal that no man can resist. You will begin to learn your sex appeal tactics when you start your training. It may sound strange, but these are the tactics that can save your life; well those and learning to kick major butt, but that is another training.
The training will consist of three major parts the first is the S.A.T or Sex Appeal Training. Second there is your M.A.C.K training a.k.a Mortal Attack, Combat and Kickin Ass and finally P.I.M.P or Personal Imaginative Mental Preparation. Without any of these three you will never be able to become a sucessful shespy, each one is designed to train and test your physical, emotional and mental stability and well-being. They are rigorous tests, but once completed you will join the ranks of fellow spies such as, Jill Scott, Gabriel Union, Condolezza Rice, I know, she is very good at her job, you would almost believe she really is that much of a sell out, Sylvia Rhone, Mariah Carey and many more. You will learn each spy and what they are here for, until then you might want to relax for a minute before you begin your training. Let's go to your bungalow and I will show you how it all works...

MYNX Sistaspy Vol.1

Chapter 1- The Meeting

It has been another trying day for me. Between working on a Master's in Bio-Chemistry and trying to save the world, I have a lot on my plate. All I want to do right now is sit down and have a pedicure, massage, latte and a nice book to read.
Well, since I know that is not going to happen let me quickly introduce myself, so that we can continue on with our tour of the N.A.S (National Association of Sistaspies) headquarters. My name is Maya Yvonne Nichelle Xavier better known as MYNX. I have been an international superspy for 3 years along with my twin sister Lena Yasmeen Nicole Xavier, also known as LYNX. We work for no one and work only to further the goals of N.A.S. The purpose of N.A.S is to rid the Earth of evil doers and most importantly scandalous people. LYNX and I are both children of governmental scientific prodigies, and thus we are well... Genius' I specialize in strategy, combat and maneuvers, LYNX is the Gadget queen. She makes um and I try not to break um, but enough about my sister and I it is more important for you to know the goals of N.A.S. and the role you will play in our next vital mission...

Say Something

(Evening of Enchantment By Edward Clay Wright)

I see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice
You like me. so say something
You can't disguise your own hearts choice
You like me. So, say something
You hinted and flirted
but it's not just your words that
let me know...
You like me. So, Say something
My patience is tested. I know your interested.
You like me. So, Say Something.
I won't bite. In fact I might
be fun to date, it's true
So until you come and say what you really want do
I will sit and be shy, because your the type of guy
to take your time and that's cool.
Understand though young man, that the light is green
so if...
You Like Me. SAY SOMETHING!!!!

My Roots- Mother's Day 2007

My Roots

Like my red hued braided tresses
You are my roots

Like my cocoa, mocha latte skin
That is Oh so African
You are my roots

Like the history of me
That is from a king and queen
You are my roots

Like Egyptian knowledge
About me you know about everything
You are my roots

Like Alex Haley’s Journey
From Continent to Plantation
You are my roots

Cameroon, Guinea to
Carolina, Kansas,
Cheyenne and Denver
You are my roots

From July 24, 1979 to present
You are my roots

From strong Black child
To strong Black woman
You are my roots

Through adversity and pain
Your love and faith remains the same
You are my roots.

From keeping me grounded
While I dream big and fly high
You are my roots

Even in my handicapped boots
You are my roots

Happy Mother’s day Mom

copywright AmaraMichaelle 2007

Pictures:
Heaven Sent By Jay Bakari
Girl with comb by unknown
AnmenophisII and Tiyi By Jay Bakari
The Forgotten Journey By Larry Poncho Brown
Never Letting Go By Sidney Carter
Map of Africa- Google Pics
Supreme By Zebra Michael Bailey
Against All Odds By Jay Bakari

Soul Remember

Soul Remember- Album Review

After months of begging, pleading and getting the word out it is here, Soul Remember by the artist Rahjwanti. When listening to the carefully crafted music of this album you can't help but tap into the emotions of happiness, romance and consciousness. Each song evokes raw emotion and provokes deep introspection. As the melodic baritone wraps words around your mind you can't help but wonder if Rahjwanti has been peeking in the window of your soul. At 32 years young Rahjwanti has experienced things in life that many of us will never understand, mainly dealing with the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, one of the worst natural disasters to hit our country in decades. Through all of that tragedy however Rahjwanti rises out of the ashes like a phoenix of music and brings the soul of New Orleans back to the world. I had the opportunity to ask the artist a few questions on how he feels about his album, art, life and of course love.After reading his responses I came away with the feeling that he is very God driven and that he watches people intently. Being a self proclaimed, "late bloomer," Rahjwanti did not begin to pursue his musical career until his late twenties. Giving him enough time to have lived life and really create music with which others can relate. Though Rahjwanti does not have a favorite song from his album, he likened my question to asking a parent to pick a favorite child, he does have a song with which he most relates. That song is I Hate To Tell Ya he feels that this song best represents his struggle with having to make a decision between a relationship and pursuing his music full time. His love of music prevailed happily enough for his fans. He is also a self proclaimed romantic and feels that romance is something that is individual and special for each person.Two of my favorite songs are So Soul Good and Stick Around, so I took this opportunity to ask Rahjwanti about his inspirations for these songs. So Soul Good my morning anthem was written as his love wishlist. Everything he put in that song is how he would like to feel in a real relationship. If you have not yet heard that song you are truly missing a treat. As for Stick Around, he states that it is not autobiographical, but rather a song that illustrates the life and struggles of a closefriend. Again showing Rahjwanti's compassion for others and how he translates that into his music. Both songs are excellent as are the other songs on the album.When I asked Rahjwanti about his many female admirers, he humbly stated that he has no problem with the attention as he is God driven and sees that his gifts are coming across and being received positively. He truly appreciates all of his fans and states that he speaks to the majority of the many people that send him messages daily. He feels that it is important that he stay grounded and he knows that his fans are a major part of his success, second only to God.I also had to question Rahjwanti on how growing up and living in New Orleans helped to mold him as an artist. Rahjwanti feels that there is so much talent and a great artistic soul in New Orleans that is yet to be recognized and he is making it his mission to get the word out. That being said, I felt it only fitting to discuss how the aftermath of Katrina effected him musically. Katrina left him numb because he was watching so much suffering. He was watching his people, a people so steeped in culture and spirit, struggle in a manner not seen in the United States for centuries. He said that his music halted, but because he feels that music is bigger than just Rahjwanti the individual he continued on his path. He wants the world, through his music, to see that New Orleans still has a lot to offer and that it is a place where talented people can be found. He also reiterated that they are still suffering in New Orleans. Which made me think that there has to be more that we can all be doing to alleviate the suffering of the people of New Orleans, as they are not refugees, but American citizens. They're not heavy, they're our brothers and we must help pick them up and get them back to the level of success they once enjoyed.Rahjwanti is a decent, humble guy that is able to tap into the soul of all people with passionate words and rhythms. After listening to his CD in constant rotation for some time now, I am unable to pinpoint my one favorite song, but the one that makes me happy (like cake), whenever is So Soul Good. The one that touches the romantic in me is Infectous. Finally the one that brings out my consciousness is Stick Around. Again each song on the album has endeared itself in my musical soul. The CD is well worth the listen and is priced well. If you would like to purchase a copy so that you can see exactly what I am talking about you can go to www.myspace.com/rahjwantimusic. It was well worth the wait Rahjwanti.Sister in light,Amara Michaelle