Forgiveness

I forgive you. I start with that to say that I am done with the pain and the anger. I forgive not for you, but for me and my sanity. You can no longer hold space in my place of peace and tranquility. I prayed on the answer to the pain that was consuming and overwhelming and what God told me was a revelation that has been written for centuries, something he did for me even though I do not deserve and nor do you, but on a real note I forgive you. No, I do not forget the pain. I do not forget the anguish. I do not forget the depression. I learn from them and move on. If I allow this to continue, then you will always keep in the this horrible space, so like I said I forgive you. I forgive you for not trusting me when I needed just that the most, when I bared my soul to you and told you the truth of my circumstances and you turned your back that is your choice. You deal with it, because your monkey? I won't bare it any longer. I am moving further from what I was, what we were and I know now that you can't be loved by a person on your sheer will. I never lied, I never cheated and maybe one day you will believe it, but if not that is your problem to work through not mine. It is time that I shine. I have made my progress and I am doing my best to do good things. I hope you too will realize that your material and money worship will be an unsatiable thirst and only one well will quench the pain you hold so deeply and dear to your heart. If it wasn't me it would have been someone, so instead of why me, I guess for you it was best that it was me. I will not get a band of brothers together for revenge, because you see revenge is not mine. It is a dish best served cold and I do not want to be cold. I am a warm and loving person who deserves better than to be doubted and mistrusted. So, farewell and I pray that one day you will come to the light and fight the demons that are encompassing your life.

Explanation

For those of you that have been reading Working Through It. I know that it doesn't quite make sense, but that is the point. I was working through something that I have now come to a resolution on. I am now going to only write amazing art and not dwell in as dark of a place. Thank you for reading and supporting.

Amara-Michaelle

Working Through It Pt.5

I for Give. I know that you would never expect that of me but see, I am crazy remember. So I for Give you again and will move on with my plan to make my life all that it can be, see I can not dwell on a lack of you and me. I am done and gone and a happy to be. I am glad to leave even if you do not forgive me. I will be the crazy bitch you see me to be, because I have the love of one who knows me, ME. I love me and don't need you to verify how wonderful, smart and exciting that I am. I love I AM. I love me and I hope one day your life will heal and you will see how much you lost and you will grieve, but you have I AM and that should be enough for you to heal to see.

Working Through It Pt. 4

Fantasia stated it right if you don't want me then don't talk to me, but take it a step further and don't talk about me either. Make me dead in your mind and in your soul have my funeral so that you will never speak my name for casual talk or for fame. I am not your punching bag to be used and abused, I hate it that I even cared about you. Selfishness is what you seek and that I will let you have, don't let me leak into your mind at anytime. You go about your day and forget I ever came your way. Do not exist to me I will just pretend I can not see the moments of pain within my heart I know that time and space will much to my happiness keep us apart. You are cruel and selfish did you think about others, hey a friend of yours lost her grandmother. Are you there for her or just thinking about self. She is in pain and in need of help, but where are you? Loss is pain and pain subsides with love and support by your side. She needs you and her family but she has been abandon. If I can I will be there to the best of my ability but I am not there I am not family. You can't and won't communicate and all I see in your heart is hate. I feel it raging and pulsing through your veins and all want to do is inflict pain. That is fine do understand that evently the left will see the right hand. This is a message you will never read but something written that I need to share with everyone in this cyber air. Good afternoon, good evening and good night. I do not want to fight for anything of yours, guess what I am out of the door that you so rudely shut in my face. So please remember I am dead in your space.

Working Through It Pt. 3

It is numbing, numbing and painful like when your hit your elbow. But it begins to subside and eventually you are whole again. You never forget the tingling pain that brought you to your knees only moments ago, you learn from it. Learn not to make that same mistake again. Learn to take your time and make sure the situation is right and not forced, because the tingle is crippling. The pain consumes your thoughts and effects and affects your progress. You don't need that you don't want that, you don't love the pain and the pain source does not love you. Pain and love are not the same and should not ever be seen as such. Pain is not what love is meant to be, love is meant to heal pain to be the opposite the basic to pains acid the antidote. Love is for everyone, but not in the same manner. Love is for me, just not at this time. Love is not pain it is healing and the more I love myself, the faster I will heal. The more I love my situation,the faster I will heal. The more I love my family, the faster I will heal. The more I love my friends, the faster I will heal. The more I love my enemies, the faster I will heal. The tingle and the pain will go away and I will be healed.

Working Through It Pt.2

Dear God,

So it seems that I look to you only in time of need, but this time I am not asking I just want to talk. I know you understand the feeling of man and breaking, hearts and souls and minds and bodies. I know you know. So I want to reorient my goal. I find that it is better to start over and look inside myself because I know that is where you live. I would give anything to be able to understand better what it is that you have given me so freely but that I don't protect as easily. If I would focus on you not me then maybe I would grow faster and stronger. My life goal as you know is to help others and love and be loved. I am going to get out of this negative space where limbs and emotions are in limbo so that I can be more like you and less like well, you know. Thank you for this day my daily bread and forgive me my trespasses and I will forgive the one who trespasses against me.

Working Through It Pt.1

No longer in search of what can not be mine finding and making better use of my time. Time to see that love is not for me but striving and thriving to keep from the pain. It breaks and burns and twists and concaves and then in days it begins to subside but I did not survive I cope. I hope that it will been seen as strength when it is not but the inability to deal as I reel in circles spiraling through life wishing it were not my life or any other. So solidarity uncaring so smothered with hate in the heart that I was not apart or was I the cause of the emotional pause the thoughtless acts of desperation and despair. You don’t care how or when but lay low like the lion to exact your revenge. Fair enough there is no more fight I will leave it alone leave you alone leave and be alone again I work well that way and find new ways to channel the energy that should be intrinsically me. Who am I to give you the power this hour to hurt and give pain. You don’t know my name my fate my place in this world and I find myself the only girl/woman who knows the heart that hurts and hates and makes pain but can say that name with the “L” hell what do you want from me to see what you feel. I KNOW ITS REAL I feel it everyday and way and say maybe this is the day to make up the mistakes and take the time to understand why it had to end that way. No one was there and knew the details but I can tell you this it won’t happen again to me that is for sure my heart is clear and thoughts are pure and full of void and lack of understanding of the reasons. I don’t want to know why anymore just close the door and move to a place a space of newness and freedom and a life that can be mine without the ripping and tearing sounds that no one hears but me thundering in my head but can never be read in my voice and action anymore once this is written and posted the mask will return and life will go on and on and on and on and on that note I ran out of words, but it did not completely heal I still feel the hurt. It will subside or I hope.